Women Dictionary

Argument: A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. Airhead: What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Bar-be-que: You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner." Blonde jokes: Jokes that are short so men can understand them. Clothes dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks. Diet Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms. Eternity: The last two minutes of a football game. Exercise: To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase. Grocery List: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store. Gadget Store: Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon. Childbirth: You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..." Patience: The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. Waterproof Mascara: Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it. Valentine's Day: A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card

Tragedy

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word "tragedy." "Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!" The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?" A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!" The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?" A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!" "Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?" "Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"

What You Say is What They Understand

What a woman says: "This place is a mess. C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying all over the floor, and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now!" What a man hears: "... C'mon ... you and I ... over the floor ... no clothes ... right now!"